On the outside, while people see someone who can be a bit of a worrier at times, their view is that they are looking at someone who is not broken.
They see someone who strives to work hard in their job, who likes to be the one who is organised, makes the plans, and organises everyone else. They see someone who likes to be in control of things, and lead things. They see someone who is opinionated, even argumentative at times. They see someone who always likes to be right! They see a wife, daughter, sister, friend, colleague. They see a big kid, someone who likes a laugh and a bit of banter. They see someone who is loyal, reliable and always willing to help wherever they can, at the drop of a hat.
They don’t see someone who is perfect. They don’t see someone without faults. But they don’t see the inner me.
I feel like I have 50 people calling my name at once. I feel like I can’t follow and reach the end of one train of thought without being dragged onto the next. I feel like I am constantly in solution mode. I feel like I never stop worrying. I worry about one thing after another, and the worry never ends. I worry about everything. I worry about worrying. I worry about the things I might not have thought of to worry about yet.
I feel like I am unhappy in my job, that I have failed. I feel completely unorganised, chaotic, like I am trying hard to bash the moles back into the holes. I feel like I enjoy organising things, but I worry things won’t go to plan – that I will make a mess of things, or let people down. I feel out of control and like I am constantly chasing my tail to regain control of my life. I feel like I constantly annoy and irritate everyone. I feel like everything I do is a failure and I never quite live up to expectations. I feel dependent completely on my friends and family and that I doubt very much I would be very successful at living completely independently, due to my own lack of discipline and maturity.
I see someone who is the opposite of perfect. I see someone who can’t even look at her own reflection.
Mental Health issues aren’t always visible, and because of the stigma, they can’t always be talked about.
This is why it is so important to break the stigma of mental health issues. It is so important to talk about things and be able to express on the outside how you feel on the inside. Breaking the stigma means the battle no longer has to be handled internally. It no longer has to be faced alone.